If You Build It, They'll Be Pissed

AKA: Poltergeist

Directed by Tobe Hooper
Starring: Craig T. Nelson, JoBeth Williams, Heather O'Rourke

This is a movie I dreaded watching again. I've seen it so many times in my life, that I really didn't feel like subjecting myself to it. I rarely watch a movie more than once, and when I do I require decades between viewings, or it has to be fantastic (I'm looking at you, Ghostbusters... see you next week!). I passively watched Poltergeist last Halloween season, and my three year old loved it. But I didn't notice something on that last viewing that I picked up on this one: It's legitimately freakin' scary.

Bear with me, because I know what you're thinking: "It's just a cheesy 80s horror movie." Well, you're only half right... or should I say, half complete? It's a cheesy 80s horror movie brought to life by the cinematic masterminds Steven Spielberg (Screenplay) and Tobe Hooper (Director). Hooper has brought some of the most iconic horror films to life over his career. Texas Chainsaw Massacre? He wrote it. Salem's Lot? Directed it. The Funhouse? Director. Djinn? Yeah, I think he apologized for it. And Spielberg? We know what he's done.

It's when they form like Voltron and tell a story that is both cheesy fun and nuanced, that we see each of their brilliance amplified. Hooper is an undeniable master of horror, and provides enough atmosphere to add enough scary spice to Spielberg's heartfelt screenplay to slide it into the horror category. Without Hooper's keen eye and direction, this could have easily been another of Spielberg's early "Shit's Weird in the Suburbs" stories.

But without Spieldberg's script, Poltergeist could have been a flop. He gives the characters nuanced flair that we don't see in a lot of mainstream horror -- they have personalities! They get high, and have couple idiosyncrasies. Spielberg has a gift of bringing the mundane to life, and he makes it easy for us to see ourselves in the situations he creates. Well... almost...

First of all, we all know the development they live in is built on a cemetery. Got it. But what doesn't make sense, is they put in all this effort to move the headstones but not the creepy ass dead trees? I've owned a house, I know dead monster trees hurt the resale value, but they went so far as to build a freakin' roundabout around one of them. And then everybody acts all surprised when one of the Oz apple trees tries to eat a kid. No, it was bound to happen.

And what's up with the storms? Every time one came through it reminded me of the storm over Dana Barrett's midtown building, and that at any moment Gozer was going to appear and make them choose their Destructor -- Shit, that's next week again. But man, those storms were weird.

Here's where Spielberg's brilliance as a storyteller come through: The comedy that makes the audience put its guard down. We see several instances of it, and it is usually followed quickly by a good scare. For example, who comes into somebody's house and decides to fry up a steak? The guy who's going to imagine peeling off his own face (stop picking at it!).

My favorite exchange in the whole movie has always been when Diane Freeling and Tangina discuss who's going to enter the spectral plane to go after Carol Anne.

Tangina: "You've never done this before!"
Diane: "Neither have you!"
Tangina: "You're right, you go!"

There's no big speech about who's right or wrong, no long diatribes about meaning of the spectral plane and how one person is better prepared than the other... no, it's cut and dry, just how I imagine it would play out in real life.

The movie is extra scary in that it stays on the final scene scare a beat longer than most, and really give this movie a dual climax. Just when you think it's over and that everybody is okay, the real shit hits the fan and all those bodies that had suburbia built on their heads start popping up in dramatic fashion.

I really learned that just because I watched something to death in the 80s, doesn't mean it still can't hold a surprise or fright for me. I really got into the parental fears (I'm going to ignore the fact they didn't seem all that concerned their daughter was sucked into a closet vortex and disappeared for several days... I mean, I guess they were concerned, but they didn't seem devastated), and Diane's emotional peril throughout the movie.

I learned another thing, too: The Holiday Inn has come a long way since the 80s.