If You Build It, They'll Be Pissed

AKA: Poltergeist

Directed by Tobe Hooper
Starring: Craig T. Nelson, JoBeth Williams, Heather O'Rourke

This is a movie I dreaded watching again. I've seen it so many times in my life, that I really didn't feel like subjecting myself to it. I rarely watch a movie more than once, and when I do I require decades between viewings, or it has to be fantastic (I'm looking at you, Ghostbusters... see you next week!). I passively watched Poltergeist last Halloween season, and my three year old loved it. But I didn't notice something on that last viewing that I picked up on this one: It's legitimately freakin' scary.

Bear with me, because I know what you're thinking: "It's just a cheesy 80s horror movie." Well, you're only half right... or should I say, half complete? It's a cheesy 80s horror movie brought to life by the cinematic masterminds Steven Spielberg (Screenplay) and Tobe Hooper (Director). Hooper has brought some of the most iconic horror films to life over his career. Texas Chainsaw Massacre? He wrote it. Salem's Lot? Directed it. The Funhouse? Director. Djinn? Yeah, I think he apologized for it. And Spielberg? We know what he's done.

It's when they form like Voltron and tell a story that is both cheesy fun and nuanced, that we see each of their brilliance amplified. Hooper is an undeniable master of horror, and provides enough atmosphere to add enough scary spice to Spielberg's heartfelt screenplay to slide it into the horror category. Without Hooper's keen eye and direction, this could have easily been another of Spielberg's early "Shit's Weird in the Suburbs" stories.

But without Spieldberg's script, Poltergeist could have been a flop. He gives the characters nuanced flair that we don't see in a lot of mainstream horror -- they have personalities! They get high, and have couple idiosyncrasies. Spielberg has a gift of bringing the mundane to life, and he makes it easy for us to see ourselves in the situations he creates. Well... almost...

First of all, we all know the development they live in is built on a cemetery. Got it. But what doesn't make sense, is they put in all this effort to move the headstones but not the creepy ass dead trees? I've owned a house, I know dead monster trees hurt the resale value, but they went so far as to build a freakin' roundabout around one of them. And then everybody acts all surprised when one of the Oz apple trees tries to eat a kid. No, it was bound to happen.

And what's up with the storms? Every time one came through it reminded me of the storm over Dana Barrett's midtown building, and that at any moment Gozer was going to appear and make them choose their Destructor -- Shit, that's next week again. But man, those storms were weird.

Here's where Spielberg's brilliance as a storyteller come through: The comedy that makes the audience put its guard down. We see several instances of it, and it is usually followed quickly by a good scare. For example, who comes into somebody's house and decides to fry up a steak? The guy who's going to imagine peeling off his own face (stop picking at it!).

My favorite exchange in the whole movie has always been when Diane Freeling and Tangina discuss who's going to enter the spectral plane to go after Carol Anne.

Tangina: "You've never done this before!"
Diane: "Neither have you!"
Tangina: "You're right, you go!"

There's no big speech about who's right or wrong, no long diatribes about meaning of the spectral plane and how one person is better prepared than the other... no, it's cut and dry, just how I imagine it would play out in real life.

The movie is extra scary in that it stays on the final scene scare a beat longer than most, and really give this movie a dual climax. Just when you think it's over and that everybody is okay, the real shit hits the fan and all those bodies that had suburbia built on their heads start popping up in dramatic fashion.

I really learned that just because I watched something to death in the 80s, doesn't mean it still can't hold a surprise or fright for me. I really got into the parental fears (I'm going to ignore the fact they didn't seem all that concerned their daughter was sucked into a closet vortex and disappeared for several days... I mean, I guess they were concerned, but they didn't seem devastated), and Diane's emotional peril throughout the movie.

I learned another thing, too: The Holiday Inn has come a long way since the 80s.

Law and Order: Paranormal Investigation

AKA: The Exorcism of Emily Rose, directed by Scott Derrickson

Starring Laura Linney, Tom Wilkonson, and Jennifer Carpenter

RT: 121 minutes

A lot of horror movies throw you into a dark forest or creepy house and leave you there, relying on creepy scores and jump scares to keep you interested. There are some, though, that stand out because of the action outside of the scary situations. These types of movies keep my attention more, because I’m allowed to not just breathe, but to see the world that takes place around the scary shit. This puts the whole scenario into perspective, and allows the viewer to imagine it taking place in the real world.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose is one such movie. More courtroom drama than horror movie, we get a view of the messy aftermath of so many other exorcism movies… Mainly, what happens to those involved when the exorcism goes horribly wrong. In this case, Father Moore is put on trial for negligent homicide. To ratchet up the drama, the prosecution puts a devout Christian on the case, while the priest gets the Agnostic. It could have been a gimmick for gimmick’s sake, if it hadn’t worked so well.

Campbell Scott (The Amazing Spider-Man) plays the mustachioed Ethan Thomas, the prosecutor. He sometimes comes off as laughable, but he handles the role well and provides a measured counterpoint to Tom Wilkonson’s (Batman Begins) Father Moore. Ethan goes after Father Moore like a rabid pup in an attempt to defend his religion from someone he sees as responsible for a girl’s death. Father Moore, on the other hand, has no interest in being acquitted; he only wants to tell Emily Rose’s story. That requires him to turn down plea deals which could save him serious prison time.

Those two actors do well. So did Laura Linney (The Truman Show), as the Agnostic defense attorney assigned to defend Father Moore. She handled the role well, and shows growth over the course of the movie… the only character that does.

It was Jennifer Carpenter’s (Dexter) Emily Rose, however, that stole the show. She wasn’t in the movie a lot, but when she was it was clear that it was about her. Fans of Dexter know Carpenter as the hot-headed sister Debra Morgan to serial killer Dexter. They also remember that she could go from foul-mouthed badass to foul-mouthed emotional wreck in the blink of an eye. She does it again here, staying mainly extremely (and understandably) upset and terrified.

So, to the plot. Emily is possessed, her health takes a turn and she’s on the verge of death. An exorcism is attempted, but fails. Emily refuses another attempt in the hopes that her death will help others.

There’s also a doctor that feeds pigeons and dies. He was at the exorcism, and when he decides to testify on Moore’s behalf, he gets hit by a car (Devil’s Advocate, anyone?).

This was my first time seeing the movie, and I think if I’d seen it even six months ago, I would have hated it. Hated it because it wasn’t a horror movie. It was a courtroom drama that happened to include an exorcism. In fact, it’s similar to The Exorcist in that regard. But I think I've grown as a person over the course of the past half year.

Horror movies that attempt to be more than what they are billed as are often maligned for not having enough gore, or enough scary parts (and there are plenty of creepy and intense parts of this movie), when in reality they just succeed at providing a fantastic balance between the horrors of the supernatural and the mundane of real life.

So what happens to Father Moore? In this case, you’ll need to watch to find out (it does sort of jump the shark when it comes time for the verdict and/or sentencing), but it’s a damn fine film despite that.  

The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty

WARNING: Spoilers ahead. If you haven't seen the movie or read the book, turn back now.

I've been pretty hard on most of the books/movies I've read this semester, except for The Shining (I love you Stephen!). But I think it's time to turn that around, don't you?

You might remember the Exorcist from such films as, The Exorcist and... well that's it, because he dies at the end... rather unceremoniously, too. The Devil's in the heart disease.

But don't be sad, because the book, despite its title, isn't really about Father Lankester Merrin, noted philosopher-paleontologist, but about parental fears and the regrets of children.

The Exorcist is about Hollywood starlet Christ MacNeil and her daughter Regan, and to a lesser extent, Father Damien Karras (no, not that Damien). Long story, short: Regan is possessed by the demon Pazuzu (who isn't the worst of demons if you look at the lore), and for more than 300 pages we search for a medical reason for the following ailments:

-Speaking in strange languages
-Change in voice, tenor
-Levitation
-Random odors from scratch
-Unexplained knocking
-Extreme contortions, including turning of the head 180 degrees
-Superhuman strength

Yes, the priest Karras is more likely to believe telekinesis than demon possession.

The doctors try ever more complex treatments/tests, but to no avail.

Finally, easier than Karras made it sound throughout the book, the local Bishop approves an exorcism.

But again, the story isn't about the exorcism, and it really does play such a small and anticlimactic part of the book.

Imagine your child is inexplicably ill, and no matter how many specialists come in and poke and prod her, they just can’t figure out what’s wrong with her. It’s an extremely frustrating proposition, and one that I’ve actually been a part of. You are watching your child literally deteriorate in front of you. To make matters worse, she has already lost a child, and has an extreme distrust of medical professionals.

It’s also about a priest suffering a crisis of faith after the passing of his mother. Take a minute and think about your own parents. How often do you see them? Talk to them? Go out of your way to be with them? No imagine they trust you more than themselves, and they literally put their lives in your hands. Karras does that and he kicks himself the entire book for making what he thinks of as the wrong decision.

Blatty uses the paranormal to bring our natural fears to life. This isn’t a religious book. It’s a book that has religion in it. It’s not about the Devil or demons, but there’s one it. The book is about being an adult; about the choices we make and the choices that are taken away from us. Helplessness. Regret. Fear.

This book could play out as a medical drama just as easily as a horror.

Blatty is a strange character. He is both simultaneously literature and popular fiction. He brings symbolism and metaphor to the everyday reader like Wolfgang Puck brings gourmet to the airport food court. He is accessible and non-threatening.

The Exorcist is a true classic. It welcomes every reader, regardless of education or reading level. It’s as a rewarding read for the everyday academic as is for the one-book-a-decade crowd.

Blatty writes how people converse. Not every sentence begins with a capital letter, and sometimes a sentence contains multiple semicolons (Scott, if you’re reading this… Semicolons are good… Embrace the semicolon). At the end of the day, I felt like I was told a harrowing story by a fantastic story-teller.

NOTE: I read The Exorcist in one sitting(ish). It went quickly and held my interest throughout.